For the Uniform
by Mark Richards
Summary: The story of the sacrifice of love for a duty to the Empire.


For the Uniform

**By Mark Richards**

Leysha's gaze was so distracted by watching the old man that she had barely heard Dilrus' call. Her eyes were watching this ageing being as he swayed unsteadily on his feet looking too frail to stand up against the gentle breeze that lapped against the land. Beyond him was the infinite horizon, as the rich deep blue sky of a perfect day dipped to meet the rising oasis of clear blue waters. The sea was calm and gentle, ululating in slight motion as it pressed against the rocks below, meshing with the land and the final remaining strip of sand that stood resolutely and undefeated against the incoming tide.

Dilrus came charging to her side, his panting heavy and suddenly loud and distracting. She snapped her head round ready to admonish him but he interrupted her first words. "I was calling you," he gasped. "Did you not hear me?"

"Sorry," she muttered, turning away again trying to find the mysterious old man that had so occupied her attention. 

Dilrus sat down, taking hold of Leysha's hand in his own, squeezing it gently. "Are you okay?"

She turned around again, more slowly this time. Her eyes burnt with a fire and vitality that was suggested in her powerful, slim figure. "Sure."

"What is so interesting about that old man," Dilrus pressed, already guessing the object of her studious gaze.

Leysha was slightly taken aback by the directness of his question and she considered it for a few moments as she wondered herself what had drawn her interest into watching some old curmudgeon struggle up the incline leading away from the shore below. "I don't know," she said honestly. "There was something strange about him. Something familiar."

"Are you sure your okay?" Dilrus' concern was heightened by the distance in her voice. 

"Of course," she smiled.

The hours of the afternoon drifted by seamlessly and Leysha lost herself in the beauty and tranquillity of the warm sun. She felt safe and comfortable in Dilrus' arms, secure and the happiest she had ever been in her life. Already she was beginning to forget about the struggling old man…

The gentle "bleep-bleep" of an intercom interrupted the scene of serenity and against her will, Leysha was brought back into the reality of the world in which she lived. As she opened her eyes, the embrace that had often held her so warmly and lovingly was already fading, the sea receded into the horizon and the sky retracted overhead, while the springy soft grass under foot returned to the harsh durasteel of the floor of the Imperial Star Destroyer _Fearsome_. In all too brief a time she was back in the environment, which had been her home since those perfect days had finally ended. She was back serving the Empire, fighting for the glory of her Emperor.

Leysha made her way reluctantly out of the holosuite, part of her still left behind, forever trapped in that fantasy world. More reality assailed her ears as a stormtrooper guard noisily clicked into step behind her as she left. She took her datapad from the pocket of her tunic, where it had been forgotten for a good many hours and scrolled through the latest reports filed by the bridge. She sighed, the sense of peace and calm completely gone now, focus back on the mission. 

At last they had arrived at Ytania and were entering standard orbit ending a journey of some three months duration. She read through the preliminary findings, which barely excited her interest and by the time she came marching on to the bridge, she had completed the history lesson on the planet she was about to invade.

"Captain our ground assault is ready at your command," a grey-haired bridge officer reported.

"Thank you, commander." Leysha stepped out onto the catwalk, marching over the crewpits to the forward viewports, those below her too busy in their own tasks to notice the captain. The commander hurried to maintain a dignified pace with his captain as she went storming towards the viewports. Abruptly her heels clicked to a halt, her cool azure eyes casting their severe gaze across the globe that dominated her vision. "Surface scan," she ordered as the out of breath commander finally made it to her side. 

"What do you make of this world, commander?"

"Primitive. Its people are peaceful and neutral in the galactic war, living a self-sufficient existence."

"I've read the history lesson myself, Sared," Leysha bit sarcastically. She was literally a million light years from where she had been a few moments ago, back on the bridge of a Star Destroyer. Her mind had changed gear, packaging away the sweet memories that sustained her during long moments of solitude and moving into concentration on the mission that lay ahead. "Why do you suppose they have remained so isolated out here?"

Sared considered his response this time. "It is curious. They have made contact with other races on occasion and as far as we know traded technologies yet they have never decided to use their knowledge, instead storing it, keeping their discoveries and years of intelligence on a dozen species recorded and hidden. We estimate that they could easily have amassed enough information about their neighbouring civilisations to give them an unassailable advantage in any conflict. Yet they have never flexed a muscle in anger, hardly leaving the planet." Sared considered the psyche of these people. "Perhaps they favour peace and stability more than the need to expand and find new colonies."

"Perhaps," Leysha mused. 

"Com-Scan report, captain." A junior bridge officer brought the results of the scan to the attention of Leysha. She read it quickly and disinterestedly. "There is not enough arsenal on that planet to worry a bantha," she said with disdain. "This will be all too easy."

"Do you want us to begin the surface assault?"

"No, delay for the moment. Send two squads down there and a reconnaissance unit. There is too much at stake here - I want to know exactly what we don't know about Ytania."

Commander Sared, one of the most experienced members of her crew moved to make the wishes of his captain so. Leysha was left to ponder the serenity of Ytania and her thoughts soon drifted back to the hours that she had spent in the holosuite, in the calm and reassuring pleasure of fantasy. It was a place that she had increasingly withdrawn too during their long voyage, at times disappearing for more than a few hours, sometimes entire days, living out an existence of comforting banality in total contrast with the real issues that concerned the Empire and her crew. For Leysha her escapes were important and fulfilled an emptiness that ached at her core and one that could never be replaced by the power that she wielded as captain of the _Fearsome_.

The luxury of the holosuite had been provided at her behest and used solely by her much to the chagrin of her other senior officers, some of whom itched to indulge their own sordid or wild fantasies during the tedium of long hyperspace jumps. Sordid and wild was far from what Leysha sought; she had no place for that in her life. What she desired from her sojourn into the pleasure world of the holosuite was something, which had alluded her throughout her life – the company and warmth of love…

*

Lieutenant Jilid led his reconnaissance detachment through the dense wood and undergrowth of a large expanse of forest on the outermost edges of one of Ytania's principal population areas. Their speeder bikes howled noisily as they cut and swerved through the huge trunks of ancient trees that defied gravity in their attempt to touch the ceiling of the sky. Long range scanners picked up little of interest and the forest itself while always alive with the gentle hum of insects and small mammals contained nothing of note. This was indeed a primitive world.

Presently the team of five scout troops reached their rendezvous point, near the northern edge of the forest, which came out on a gently sloping plain leading down to the city. From his vantage point, Jilid could see the maze of streets and buildings laid out like an intricate patchwork and with his macrobinoculurs scoured the bustling streets. The people were dressed in simple clothes – plain cloths and drably made animal skins - carrying about their mundane daily rituals unaware that they were being watched. There were few droids or speeders in use, further indication of an underdeveloped world. This was a poor planet and its people were humble and basic, hardly warranting the attention of a reconnaissance mission or for that matter the efforts of an Imperial Star Destroyer. It made Jilid wonder what the captain had hoped to find here.

It would not have reassured Jilid if he knew that his captain was thinking exactly the same thing. Leysha wondered what she was expecting to discover on this far flung world and what had ultimately brought her here. The answer to the last question appeared, at least superficially, obvious. She was acting on orders of her superiors and her mission objective had been made quite clearly to her; she was an Imperial, she did not need to question why, just accept that the Empire moved in infinitely more complex ways than she could grasp. For the uniform, that was why she was here and sometimes it seemed only for that.

All the sacrifices that she had made along the way had been for the glory and pride in wearing the uniform of an Imperial naval commander. She had sworn her allegiance to the Empire and the Emperor, seven years previously and from that moment on she had ceased to be her own identity; she became part of the living, brutal and treacherous machinery of Imperial order. At the Imperial Academy she had learnt the determination, the courage and the sheer guts that were required to make it as one of the best. Leysha had also lost her virginity and her dignity during the long three years it took for her to prove without doubt that she was capable of being more than just a woman, that she was worthy to wear the uniform. To carry the will of the Empire as proudly and defiantly as any of her male counterparts. To demonstrate beyond doubt that she was as strong as she claimed and that in spite of whatever terrible atrocity she might face, she would remain resolute in her defence of the New Order.

All of that to bring her here…all that sacrifice, pain and personal isolation. For the uniform.

She had left much of what was important to her behind on Coruscant before she entered the Imperial Academy. Those three years could have broken her, should have destroyed her spirit and crushed her confidence but Leysha had something to prove then. She had a proud family who she wanted to have pride and take pleasure in the achievements of their only daughter. She wanted them to look upon her with the same paternal wonder and adoration as they did their three sons. Griff, Somol and Jered had all gone to the Academy before her and each of her brothers had left with honours and prestigious assignments at the front line. Griff in particular had proved himself an able commander in the Army, rising through the ranks. Now he was a Colonel, serving somewhere in defence of one of the Empire's principal garrisons. She did not much care where it might be or indeed how her brother was. He was as distant to her now as any member of the crew of the _Fearsome_. As distant as her past, her family and Dilrus…

*

Shortly after Jilid's team had reported in their all too predictable findings, the invasion began. From the sprawling bays of the _Fearsome_, AT-AT barges descended to the planet, carrying with them machines that would spray death and carnage across the surface and bring thousands of white-armoured troops to bear against defenceless citizens. Casualties, General Solfor had been told, were not important as long as the objectives were completed and the data download was brought back intact. It would not matter to Leysha how many innocents died in the bloodbath as long as she could return to her Empire proud, showing yet again that she was worthy of the uniform. This victory would be hollow though, as what she sought would be relatively easy to obtain – there was nothing threatening or dangerous about this place. It would not be a glorious battle nor would it bring fame to her for a daring victory. But it would be another success and that if nothing else would be proof enough of her loyalty.

She did not expect to be interrupted and informed that a casualty had been brought aboard. "What?" she snapped at the deck officer that delivered the news that a humanoid male had demanded to speak with her. "I told General Solfor, no prisoners!"

"Captain, I think this is different –"

"Sithspit!"

"He asked for you by name," the officer added.

Leysha shook as if she had been slapped. _Who in the Sith could know her out here? She pushed aside the deck officer, striding off the bridge, determined, angry and for the first time in a long while, uncertain._

The bright lights of the med lab's anteroom dazzled her as she marched into the white walled, roughly square room. The stench of sterility assailed her nostrils, which mixed with the foreboding silence, made Leysha feel uneasy. It seemed to advertise the fact that this was a place where death was more commonplace than recovery. She waited patiently as scans silently and effortlessly "cleaned" her uniform and exposed skin of any contaminants. Once the silent whir of machinery was finished, the door ahead of her slid aside with a whoosh and she was brought into the hive of activity that was the main med lab.

 Medical droids tended to a dozen or so stormtroopers, wounded casualties that had been brought aboard for treatment. She could see between the confusion of medical equipment and robotic arms, the bloody and torn flesh of her men, the ruined and smashed armour that was designed to protect them, blown open to reveal hideously deep wounds. As she moved closer, the overpowering stench of smashed internal organs and blood filled the air, the sterile atmosphere lost in the cloying smell of death. The droids continued their work ambivalent either to her or to the desperate situation of their patients. Monitors and machines buzzed constantly, occasionally beeping loudly and sometimes in anxious whistles, warning as vital organs began to fail. Most of the patients were fortunately unconscious and would know nothing of the futile and vain attempts being made to save their already useless bodies although a few moans and cries of sheer agony managed to make themselves heard above the noise of machines and droids. And somewhere across this room of death and despair she heard her name being called…

"Leysha."

Called unlike it had been said in many years. Her heart stopped beating for just a second, a sudden wave of forgotten emotions came surging over her and she stumbled, almost falling completely. Then she remembered where and who she was; captain of the Star Destroyer _Fearsome, loyal soldier of Emperor Palpatine, here for the uniform. She straightened herself, turning about to walk to the patient who had uttered her name, calmly and controlled, suppressing the memory that had awakened long dead feelings._

Far away from the main hub of activity, there was a row of trolleys, the bodies they carried, serenely covered in white sheets, hiding the terrible injuries and suffering of the lifeless beings. There was one who was not covered yet, a human male of approximately Leysha's age, maybe a few years older. His fine golden hair was matted against his skull, crowning a face that was drawn and pale. Deep azure eyes were slowly losing their flicker of life and each breath became more gasped and desperate. Clearly, he would not live much longer and Leysha did not dare to consider what frightening injuries might lie below the brilliant white blanket that covered his torso. 

As she stepped closer, the injured man's eyes burnt with a renewed energy, a begging and pleading for her to come to him. He was too weak to call her name again and would save his words until she was within earshot. Leysha rested a hand on the white sheet, feeling the cool comfort of the material in her hand. She pressed her fisted hand against the bed using it as a support for her unsteady legs, which still threatened to give way from under her at any moment. Moving slowly and deliberately, she edged closer to the head of the trolley until she was staring down into the eyes of the man that she had once loved, her breath catching in her throat.

All at once her composure collapsed and her eyes filled with tears as she sunk onto the bed. For the first time in many years she had no words, no means of expressing herself. 

"Leysha, it is good to see you again." A gentle, forgiving smile formed on his face and his eyes were wide with love and happiness.

Leysha lifted her head up from the bed, the tears streaming from her eyes in floods that had been dammed for too long. "Dilrus…why? Why are you here?" She looked around at the visage of death and the dying seeing nothing that could answer her.

"I came here to escape the past."

She understood the meaning of those words more harshly than he could imagine. Leysha had no answer and took his weakened arm, wrapping her fingers tightly around his. "Why here Dilrus? Why out here on Ytania?" she whispered.

"To escape…those bad things…us."

She looked away. Leysha understood the meaning of his words as she too remembered what had driven their lives apart… Then she turned back, her eyes no longer burning with tears. They were still framed with anguish and regret but inside they were dulled with guilt and terrible pain. "Our paths were different Dilrus. Always will be." 

Dilrus rocked his head weakly and slowly in dismissal. "No, no. Leysha do you still not understand? It was you I wanted to love but you would never let me. You always excused yourself any feeling by talking of your duty and honour for the uniform." His hand broke from her grasp and he tugged madly at her tunic. "What does this mean? Why give up us for this?"

She was fighting with herself now as Dilrus' words cut through the outer fixed expression that had been indoctrinated from years of Imperial service and reached the true broken, ravaged heart inside. "I love you Dilrus."

Dilrus gabbed her hand again, more tightly, never wanting to let go. Never wanting too loose Leysha again. "I have never forgotten our time together, Leysha. Every day out here, I have woken hoping that one day you would find me. That you would come back and that we would be together once more but not like this. Never like this." He choked on his words, the desperate agony of their meeting cutting his heart in two.

"I am so sorry." Leysha sobbed with such force that her whole body heaved with despair. "You have always been with me Dilrus. Always." 

"It's too late for us now." Dilrus' words seemed horribly blunt and the truth in them was too real. "Your Empire has seen to that!"

She looked down at his dying body, wondering again at what wounds the stormtroopers had inflicted on him. What damage the Empire had done to the man she had loved…no, that was not fair. It was not the Empire she could blame for this. It was her, Leysha. She had been responsible for what had brought Dilrus here. She had to take the blame for that at least. If she had reciprocated his love for her more vociferously…if she had allowed herself to be loved then they would never have found themselves here. Not like this. 

Dilrus gripped her hand even tighter. "It's too late Leysha. Too late. You should never have left me on Coruscant."

Terrible truths swam to the surface of her mind and her heart-bled tears of agony that it had kept constrained behind a fragile dam for too long. Seven years ago she had said her farewells to Dilrus and had left him a broken man. That memory had replayed itself often but she had learnt to deaden its meaning, to take away its power, until now. Suddenly the look on his face of a man destroyed, his heart torn apart, was too powerful, too ugly to simply brush aside. Especially now as he gasped for each and every last desperate breath intent to extend as much of his miserable life with the woman that he had committed his time to loving. 

Leysha's eyes were wide with hurt and pain and swollen with tears. Dark shadows had formed around them. "I am sorry, Dilrus…so, sorry."

"I love you Leysha."

With those final simple words that he had spoken to her so often, his body exhaled its last, final breath and his eyes closed, a solitary tear beginning one final lonely voyage down his cheek. His fierce grip in her hand slipped away, falling from her as his body slipped back against the white sheets, the past slowly and surely ebbing into an eternity that would always be history. As he died, Dilrus' heart sank with the desolate realisation of just how barren his life had been.

Leysha looked deeply into the face of the man she loved, seeing comfort and warmth lined in every feature. As she watched his lifeless body, the regret of her choices played back through her mind and she questioned what her life had meant. The isolation, the pain and the suffering, all for the uniform…

ã Mark Richards, October 2000


End file.
